aDeo Ministries

From the majesty of mountains to the simplicity of a beach wedding, from the noise of a tumbling brook to the silence of a remote forest. There is a venue for all. Whether you choose to have your ceremony in one of the fine venues or choose to have a more simple occasion, whether you choose an elaborate affair over a simple intimate avenue, whether you choose to have it in the comfort of your home or rather have it in the splendour of a chapel, here you will find all the information you require to ensure peace of mind.

Over the following few weeks you will be making numerous other arrangements but hopefully our interaction will set your mind at rest regarding the ceremony and the legal aspects thereof.

What do we need

have either handed you an application form or forwarded one to you. Alternatively you could download one below. Please complete that, sign it and send it back to me.

The marriage act states that we must provide copies of each party's identity document, two recent identity photos. On the day of the ceremony I take your fingerprints which are placed on the marriage register. In the event that either party is divorced or their spouse from a previous marriage may have passed away, I require the original divorce decree and/or death certificates. We will also require certified copies of the two witnesses' identity documents that are required on the day of the ceremony.

Should one of the parties be under age we would need consent and I suggest we discuss that at a first meeting.

Please remember that I cannot register the marriage unless all the paperwork is in order.

In the case of foreigners there are other requirements as well. Since August 2010 the Department of Home affairs requires a letter of no impediment from the home office of the country you hail from. This is basically a letter in English stating that the individual concerned may enter into a marriage. You will then Need to make an appointment with Home Affairs for an interview with the Immigration department. Once they give you the all clear we are allowed to go ahead with the arrangements.

Please bear in mind that this may take some time to acquire depending on the efficiency of the country in question and that no papers can be submitted to the South African authorities without this paper work.

What about a prenup

I am no attorney and suggest you contact one to draw up the prenuptial contract. Here in short are the various ways to get married.

In terms of South African Law, people can either marry in community of property or out of community of property. Your choice will determine your proprietary rights during your marriage, as well as when it is dissolved – either by death or divorce. It is essential that you elect your matrimonial regime prior to the marriage; as to try to change it thereafter is an expensive and time-consuming process. If no contract is entered into you will be deemed to be married “In community of property”.

‘In community of property’ means that everything each individual spouse owned and each of their individual debts from before their marriage are put together in a joint estate. From this point onwards everything they earn or buy after their marriage will also form part of this joint estate, including any debt and liabilities incurred by either one of them.

If you cannot produce a letter from an attorney that you have entered into an Ante-nuptial contract your marriage will automatically be registered this way.

An Ante-nuptial Contract, also known as a Prenuptial Contract or Prenup, is a contract entered into by two people prior to their marriage, to stipulate the terms and conditions for the exclusion of community of property between them. The terms and conditions may not be illegal, immoral or contrary to public policy.

If you conclude an Ante-nuptial Contract prior to your marriage, the accrual system will automatically apply under the Matrimonial Property Act of 1984, unless it is expressly excluded in the contract.

This is my simple way of explaining the different marriage contracts. There are various issues to consider and it will be in your best interest to consult with an attorney. They would be able to know best as to what will be best for you.

Where can we get married?

You can get married where you like. The law states that it must be a public place but the interpretation thereof is very wide. Do remember though that some public places may have their own regulations and you may need permission to get married there. This may take time so do enquire timeously.

What about the ceremony?

The law dictates some of the words that have to be spoken. Everything else is open to discussion. I am not conservative and think of myself as rather enlightened! With that in mind I encourage participation by the couple in the planning of the ceremony. If you suggest something that I am not comfortable with I will tell you.

In the application form I make reference to various elements that can be made part of the ceremony. Each couple would like their own way of expressing their love for one another. Some of these elements have long traditions and some of them have personal significance for the couple. It is entirely up to you. I have no objections to these elements or similar elements but only ask that they have special meaning for the two of you.

As a rule the ceremony should not take longer than about 20 to 45 minutes depending on what you would like to include.

You are welcome to include other participants. There are other friends or family members who are near and dear to you. I am more than willing to include them in your arrangements. If there is anything that I am not happy with I will tell you!

What if we aren’t church people?

Well it all depends on what you mean by “church people”. I am sure that most of us aren't on exactly the same place spiritually. I am not here to “preach” to you. I am here to offer a service. The fact that I am a professing Christian certainly should not impact on your decision. I am at home wherever you are spiritually. Should you prefer not to have any religious content I will oblige. Should you be concerned about other members of your family who may be adherents of other faiths: I respect that.

Your day, you call the shots!

What about our vows?

I will send you a number of vows. Some traditional, and some more modern and contemporary. You are welcome to use them as they are or, and I encourage that, is to make-up your own personalised vows.

It brings a nice touch to the ceremony when you are able to express your love and life long commitment, in your own words.

What about pre-marriage counselling?

As part of my fee I offer pre-marriage counselling. I have a standard 3 session counselling process that I usually embark on with the couple if they so choose!

Why do I put it like that? Simply, some people think that they have been together so long that they know their partner as well as can be. For them that is fine and they can chose not to do the session. Others may feel that their is something to learn and therefore gladly embark on getting to know me as much as some of the little idiosyncrasies that only come about once one is married.

There are occasions that I choose to request the couple to go on a little longer with counselling and it may be when I become aware of one or another issue that may bring about challenges later in the marriage.

Most couples benefit from these sessions as we discover together things that we may not have thought about. The feedback I have had is that in the end the couple who did go through Pre-marriage counselling benefited from it.

Must we see you?

I don't like to simply “do a ceremony”. I would like to meet you! I prefer to get to know the couple a little as it helps me to personalise the ceremony and make it relevant and meaningful to the couple. It also helps me offer the best service I can.

Yes, I would like to see you before the ceremony. I also spend a little time exploring the reasons you want to get married and to ensure that your reasons are sound. It needn't be a formal meeting. I often meet with a couple over a cup of coffee in a coffee shop where we get to know each other and we discuss things like the requirements when you are planning and the role you would like me to play. It also affords us the opportunity to know whether or not we are comfortable with each other!

What now?

Download my application form from here or request one from me. Complete it as best as you possibly can and make an appointment with me. Normally we go and drink a cup of coffee and have a chat about everything that is expected and what is needed.

To confirm a date deposit the amount of R500 into my bank account:

Nedbank George
Acc No: 1048 385 612
Branch Code: 109114

Now sit back and allow me to worry about your ceremony!

Downloads

Here are various forms for download. A brief description helps in choosing the right form for download.

This is my own application form. It provides me with all the information I require to plan your wedding and can help you in the planning of your wedding.

Application form

In the event that one of you do not have or cannot produce acceptable South African identity documents than the party that can produce his or her Identity documents must apply on behalf opf the other party. This is the form for that.

Declaration for purpose of wedding

This form is required when documentation, other than that which I will give you on the day, is required.

Application for a Marriage certificate

This form is required should one of the couple or both be minors.

Minor consent form

This is a list of wedding vows. It is a compilation from various sources. Should you choose to write your own vows then use them as a source of content.

Sample vows

There are many misconceptions about getting married in South Africa. The whole process is designed to make things as simple as possible while maintaining a strict discipline in order to ensure that the sanctity of Marriage is maintained in an ordered society. With this in mind I have tried to answer as many questions as you may have. If I miss something please call me or drop me a line and we can discuss these issues.

Where can we get married?

According to the Marriage act a marriage may take place in a public office, a church or building used for religious services or a private residence. There is no mention of a "roof" or of "walls" for that matter. The real meaning of the word "in" used in context is therefore open to interpretation. There is no restriction as to where you may get married. Local municipal regulations may prohibit certain activities and these need to be ascertained and complied with.

How long does a ceremony take?

That is really up to the couple. As a rule the ceremony should not take much longer than about 30 to 45 minutes. There are certain legal obligations that have to form part of the ceremony but there a many optional items. In our discussions we look at the various items and then put a ceremony together that everyone feels comfortable with. 

My family are not very religious?

I am a big believer that the formal church has hurt a large number of people. Recognising this I go out of my way to make the couple and their family feel at ease during the ceremony, after all this is their day. Having said this I am a practicing Christian and will not do anything that is contrary to my beliefs. In our discussion if I am uncomfortable with anything I will say so!

I will do a civil ceremony if you so choose.

Who can take part in the ceremony?

Once again I stress that it is your day and what makes you happy I will try to accommodate. There are occasions when the couple have children from previous marriages and they would like to include them as part of the ceremony. So we find a way to accommodate them. There are other times when there is an individual who has influenced one or both parties in their lives and they would like to bring a message. I am very easy going and encourage making the ceremony memorable.

My Partner is not a South African?

The law states that the individuals must have proper identity documents or passports. The individual who is not a South African citizen needs to produce a letter from their home country home office which states that there is no lawful impediment to them getting married. I provide the couple with a letter and they need to make an appointment with the Department of Home affairs for an interview to be conducted.

What about witnesses?

On the day of the ceremony you require two adults to sign the register as witnesses. They must produce a copy of their identity documents and these copies must be submitted with the marriage register to the Department of Home Affairs. 

What about an Anti-nuptial Contract?

It is in the interest of both individuals to ensure that you are both aware of the legal implications of the various ways that your marriage could be registered. If you do get married with a contract, your attorney who draws up such a contract, must give you a letter to that effect that must be included with the documents that I hand in to Home affairs. Please remember that if that letter is not forthcoming you will be married "in community of property."

Do we have to register our marriage?

No. I am a registered with the department of Home Affairs to conduct marriages within South Africa. As such I provide you with an abridged marriage certificate on the day and complete the marriage register. A duplicate copy of that marriage register is given to you on the day of your ceremony. In return I take your finger prints, that are on the marriage register, 2 clear ID photos of each of the parties, with all the documentation and personally go to the department of Home Affairs and hand these in. You do not have to do anything.

Can I be Late?

On this instance I am probably old fashioned. I believe if your invitation says a time then keep to the time. It is rude to keep your guests waiting. Please bear in mind that I may have other appointments after your ceremony and I cannot simply wait for you to arrive as it puts me in a predicament at the next appointment. I allow a certain time for your ceremony and so I cannot wait 30 minutes past the scheduled time. This is purely at my discretion and no refund will be entertained because of delays on your behalf.

What about vows?

During our discussions I will explain the vows to you. You do not have to learn anything off-by-heart. I will prompt you during the whole ceremony where it requires a response by either party. 

Sample vows can be downloaded or you can make your own. It is often uniquely special for a couple to say personalised vows to one another. I can help you in drawing these up. 

What about symbolism?

There are various symbols, traditions and practices that can be introduced and used at a marriage ceremony. The Sacrament of Holy Communion, unity candle, the Celtic hand fasting, lighting of candles all quickly come to mind. I have no problem with helping and doing these providing they have meaning for the couple. The ceremony is a celebration of your love for one another and what makes it special to you is what matters to me.

What about pre-maritual counseling?

I offer counseling as part of my services. It is entirely up to the individual couples. during my initial meeting and getting to know you I may have concerns that may require us to schedule a session or two. I will explain this. Marriage is a major step and I have a legal obligation to ensure that the decision you are hoping to make is the right one.

Often when there has been divorce in the past I may feel it important to discuss this.

In this state, the conscious mind is suppressed and the subconscious mind is revealed. The therapist is able to suggest ideas, concepts and lifestyle adaptations to the patient, the seeds of which become firmly planted.

The practice of promoting healing or positive development in any way is known as hypnotherapy. Hypnotherapy aims to re-programme patterns of behaviour within the mind, enabling irrational fears, phobias, negative thoughts and suppressed emotions to be overcome. As the body is released from conscious control during the relaxed trance-like state of hypnosis, breathing becomes slower and deeper, the pulse rate drops and the metabolic rate falls. Similar changes along nervous pathways and hormonal channels enable the sensation of pain to become less acute, and the awareness of unpleasant symptoms, such as nausea or indigestion, to be alleviated.

Hypnosis occurs when the body and mind are in a deep state of relaxation. You will not lose consciousness but your mind will be in an altered state of heightened awareness, called the Theta state. In this state the subconscious mind is open to be influenced in a positive way. The hypnotherapist will help you to deal with any issue of a psychosomatic nature such a deep seated habits and unwanted behavior or the creation of new and desired behaviour patterns.

Hypnotherapy and religion

I am a born again Methodist who is active within my church and who cares for each and every soul. Hypnotherapy is a tool to bring about change and to give meaning to the words "I have come that you may have life, life in abundance." Hypnosis is a gift from God to help individuals have abundant life!

Each one of us are made-up of body, mind and soul. We are Physical, Emotional and Spiritual beings. To neglect one area of wellness will have an effect on the remaining two.

In fact Jesus said, "The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because He hath anointed me to teach the gospel to the poor. He hath sent me to heal the broken-hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised." (Luke 4:18) Following this guidance and with the proper use of hypnosis; we can heal the broken-hearted, bring deliverance to those in captivity to pain, fear, and phobias; give sight to the emotionally and spiritually blind, and set at liberty those who are bound by unwanted habits. Even as we are members of different denominations and religions, we could join hands in brotherhood to share the blessings of hypnosis with others.

A basic and important principle is found in Genesis 1:28 where humans are asked to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” The reference to "subduing" the earth is the biblical basis for scientific inquiry and continuing to understand how things work beyond what is revealed in the Scriptures. Hypnosis falls into this area of coming to understand the resources God provided in the creation and using those resources appropriately.

The scriptures cited have no particular relevance to hypnosis. While there are some who use hypnosis for specifically non Christian or anti-Christian purposes hypnotherapy is a well researched and useful tool in bringing about change.

Hypnosis is a naturally occurring state that occurs in everyone several times per day in varying degrees. Hypnosis of sort occurs when you are driving and cannot remember large parts of the trip while for instance taking a call. It occurs when you are reading and become so engrossed with the story that you become emotionally involved with the characters and you are unaware of anything else happening around you. It can occur when you hear a song that triggers memories.

When used by a professional, hypnosis is an altered state of consciousness, similar to sleep in which the critical factor of the conscious mind is bypassed and acceptable selective thinking is established. Another way of looking at it is to say that hypnosis is a state of mind in which a person is very receptive to suggestion.

One could say that a professional hypnotherapist helps an individual overcome repeated bad hypnosis brought on by parental suggestions, teacher suggestions, or even long-term self-criticisms. Hypnosis is a way of replacing the bad hypnosis with good hypnosis.

Those opposed to Hypnotherapy on religious grounds need to learn about hypnotherapy and how it works because it is being used widely in a variety of contexts. There are subtle hypnotic suggestions built into television programs, the setups for advertising breaks, and even teasers for the news.

Hypnotherapy has been shown to be effective in helping individuals overcome bad habits such as smoking and weight issues, for pain relief, anxiety, compulsive disorders and many other life limiting issues. When hypnotherapy is used in surgery preparation, the healing process is often shorter. The uses for hypnosis are extraordinary. There is a great deal of scientific research in hypnosis. There are a number of ministers who use hypnosis for a variety of reasons.

Do further research. Most Christian opposition to hypnotherapy is based on the misunderstandings of hypnosis and its use coupled with an incomplete theological understanding.

Every decision we make in life has a large impact on where we are going as individuals. The question is though – are you on the cause or the effect side of life? Are you able to take full responsibility for the decisions you have made within your company and their subsequent results or are you simply sitting in your comfort zone believing that you have no influence on where your life is taking you?

Coaching can be on a personal level individually, used to enhance performance in Sport for instance, in Groups, where organisational change is required, or simply to motivate and encourage.

Personal Coaching

Every individual has the potential to be the best that he or she can be. What holds us back are the restrictions Often people say the best way to learn is the hard way and unfortunately I was no different. Having coached myself through some turbulent and traumatic times, I personally experienced the power of coaching. Asking yourself those pertinent questions to which you know the true answer, but choose to not hear or listen to.

Nowadays, I can honestly say that learning happens the smart way, which means having a Life Coach. Society is starting to embrace the importance and invaluable experience a Life Coach has in your life.

A Life Coach is a neutral non-judgemental person that will assist you in finding your own tailor-made solutions. When we are told on how we should manage our lives; when we are given advice by others filled with “you should”, “you must”, “you could” scenarios, we subconsciously resist the recommendation and no change occurs.

Nevertheless, a Life Coach will guide you to uncover your own brilliant unique insight, which will empower and motivate you to make the desired change in a natural and resourceful transition. You are the Master of your life; hence you are in the best position to make informed decisions; decisions which impact on your life in a positive and complete manner. A Life Coach should not provide you with any advice, instead you will be empowered with tools and skills that support, inspire and complement your goals.

Coaching is not therapy or counselling, as both of these modalities are a form of healing. Coaching makes you consciously aware of your thought patterns, habits, emotions, attitude and belief system with the core purpose of shifting your mind set to embrace your life to its fullest potential and your ultimate best.

A Life Coach can be used for any life situation and challenge, regardless how big or small.

Some examples are:

• Setting priorities in your lives
• Achieving a better work balance
• Resolving problems in your personal life
• Improving quality and quantity of your life
• Understanding your strength and weaknesses
• Reducing stress and balancing work and home responsibilities
• Overcoming obstacles
• Achieving your goals
• Identifying your life values
• Creating an action plan
• Acknowledging your successes
• Acting as a sounding board
• Bringing clarity to your life
• Shifting you awareness
• Embracing change
• Effective management of time
• Improving quality and quantity of your life
• Changing believe systems and thought patterns